I’ve been dating someone for a month and he’s been great on so many levels. He’s sweet, handsome, plans dates, usually pays, affectionate, respectful, patient, kinda funny, and playful and we have similar sexual interests. However, he will go a while without texting in between and I don’t like that. We’ve talked about it a bit and I do think we are just different with texting. But he did text a lot during the hurricane and then let me stay at his house with my cats because my power was out after Hurricane Ian (we’re in Florida). So we had lots of togetherness and quality time and I felt super supported and like I had his attention. But now he’s back to not texting every day.
I also question if he’s on a personal growth path really. He’s never done therapy or life coaching, but he does do some meditation and journaling here and there. But healing and expanding my consciousness are pretty core to who I am. I am also a therapist/coach and don’t want to be dragging anyone along on their journey. I want someone who is on that path already or at least gets there on their own.
And I wonder if he’s too much on the avoidant side. I had an ex like this too who suggested it would be nice to live near each other rather than together in the long run and I don’t like that. This guy also recently suggested that. There’s just a feeling it’s hard for him to really get emotionally invested.
Anyways, my tendency is to rule people out pretty quickly or choose unavailable people and to have a hard time living with other people’s flaws to the point that I’m 41 and only ever had 2 boyfriends (1 long term, 1 short-term). While I’ve done a lot of work on my attachment to become mostly secure, I do have some fearful-avoidant tendencies. I’m afraid of wasting too much time with the wrong person or letting someone good go because I was hung up on the wrong things or expecting too much from someone who is human after all.
I would love some guidance on finding that balance between owning what I want and having standards, but not ruling out people who are great but still human.