My company asked that the office staff help out in the warehouse due to warehouse workers not showing up due to worries about Covid 19. I volunteered and worked extra shifts to cover for other members of my team that could not volunteer. The CEO sent a stern message that if we don’t help out then there will be cuts however a few days later, there was talk that we’re catching up and we might not need as many volunteers as needed.
On Friday, I signed up to work 3-11 on Monday, I added my name to the shared spreadsheet where they track who is working when. On Monday, I didn’t login to work to check emails, I just enjoyed my morning and relaxed. At 3:00 I went to work. When I got there they were surprised to see me and said they didn’t need me so I went home.
When I got home I logged into work and checked the spreadsheet and found that my name had been removed.
My brain got very angry that I wasn’t told I didn’t need to work in the warehouse. I’m happy not to do it but I lost a day and I’m on a project that is already behind, I drove all the way to work and risked my health (going to an environment where we’ve had people test positive for covid) and I felt disrespected.
Here’s my model
C : My name was removed from the spreadsheet
T : They should have told me I didn’t need to come in
F : Angry
A : Ruminate, think about talking to my boss, complained about warehouse management in an anonymous survey that the company has open to everyone
R : More anger?
I’m stuck on the R, I spent too much time spinning thoughts and creating more anger. I had moments where I thought I should own this and should have checked the spreadsheet but honestly, I’m not supposed to be there till 3:30 so I’m not online checking email and spreadsheets during my off time.
I tried to dig deeper to figure out what I’m making it mean but I just got to more incorrect thoughts that I was disrespected (which I see now that I’m not and that’s just another thought model).
Whenever my brain thinks that someone hurt me, it really wants to fight back (not in violent way but every other way), it really gets into victim mode and I’m not clear on the best way to resolve that.