I have recently been offered a new job. I told my two managers straight away, as they are my references. I had planned to wait until I got a formal offer/contract before telling my team. I then realized that one of my managers had started telling people I was leaving.

I was worried about my two direct reports finding out from someone other than myself that I was leaving. My thoughts on that were: “that would be really horrible” and “it’s not fair to them if they find out from someone else.” So I decided to tell them both today, even though I still haven’t got a contract for the new job/haven’t officially handed in my notice.

When I told them, one of them said she had already heard, not through my boss but via someone who worked in our team and now works for another organization. Somehow he found out about it, probably through knowing someone in the organization I’m going to move to. I’m now very annoyed about this former colleague, who I have not spoken to since he left our organization around February.

C: A said she had already heard I got a new job through a text from S
T: S should never have told her that
F: Angry
A: Disengaged with remaining conversation with A due to fuming at S; mulling over anger; consider texting S to tell him what I think; worry about who else in the organization S may have told
R: ? Perpetuate my anger? Argue with reality?

This only happened a few hours ago. Should I allow myself to be in this model for a while, or is that arguing with reality, and should I accept I can’t control other people’s models?