Hello, I am in my 3rd month of scholars, and still I am finding it super duper difficult to work models & see how they are helping. When I first started I had more clarity, and now that we’ve moved away & onto Connections, while interesting, I am still stuck on Models. I know that thought work is where my work needs to be focused most.

My thought download today was alarming to re-read. Scared of everything, as usual. Death, sickness, making a move, etc. I re-read The Model workbook. Attempting to create. a model about one of the thoughts, or the summary of the thought download. I can never come up with a neutral circumstance, other than, I am human, which is starting to feel pretty redundant.

So here goes:
C- I am a human being
T- I am scared of everything
F- Tense
A- Erratic, out of control, unfocused, yell at kids, wall between myself & spouse
R- Self loathing, angry

So according to the workbook, the goal is to take the thought & look at it in my hand, wonder why I am thinking the thought, ‘I am fearful’. Is it serving me? No. So I am supposed to just sit with the thought & let is wash over me & not react.
So I pick it apart a little to look at it- Why am I thinking these thoughts?
-Coronavirus in giant city, news terrifying everyone
-Lots of friends dying from cancers
-Aging parents
-Waiting to get sick, stress will be making me sick.
I realize all of these things don’t serve me. I want to NOT think this way anymore. I am hearing the advice of coaches “how would I experience anxiety differently if I didn’t see it as a problem?” I have tried opening up to it, breathing into it, and the reverberations in my physical body do not go away. Trying!
Intentional Model (is this sounding close?)
C- People get sick and die, and its not in my control
T- Let go of this stress
F- Calm
A- Work on life, goals
R- Calm, confident, moving forward with goals