Model about job application and disability


UM
C: Submitted application for position as professor at Uni in Sweden. received email stating that they will let candidates know whether they have been selected for interview in September. I have physical disabilities.
T: My physical disabilities mean that I don’t have the strength, capacity and stamina to do this demanding full-time job
F: Defeated
A: Want to lie down in bed and hide, don’t prepare for interview, tell myself that I won’t be invited, that if I did get the job I would fail, that they won’t want a disabled person, that they are rubbish in supporting disabled people in Sweden, that people always talk about inclusion, but then they prefer an abled bodied candidate. Look for evidence to prove how difficult it would be to move to Sweden, to prove why it will be a bad idea from me to go for this job. Don’t use time until September to do interview training. Don’t read the latest research. Tell myself I can’t work a full-time job and there is no way I can do this. Spend time buffering on FB and Instagram. Don’t spend a thought on why I am really qualified and well placed to do this job.
R: I create a situation where I am not best placed/prepared to do this job, because of my thoughts about my disability.

IM
C: Submitted application for position as professor at Uni in Sweden. received email stating that they will let candidates know whether they have been selected for interview in September. I have physical disabilities.
T: I am perfect for this job
F: Encouraged
A: Read latest research. Find evidence to prove why they should hire me. List why I am the perfect candidate for the job. Invest in interview training. Research details about the University. Sign up to higher education training to brush up on skills. Research about access support for disabled people in Sweden.
R: I put myself in the best possible place to get the job. Even if I don’t get the job in the end, I create the opportunity for me to get a similar job, because I am so well prepared.

I would like to have feedback on this model.
And I would also love some help with working out whether my IM is a useful model or not.
On the meta-level I worry that I’m using the IM to create some unrealistic positive attitude to a circumstance (disability) in my life that actually means that I physically can’t do this job. The thought about the IM being: I am wasting my time with this model, as all that ‘positive thinking’ will not enable my body to deal with the demands of this job.

C: Create IM above
T: I am wasting my time with all this ‘positive thinking’ business
F: Angry
A: Reluctant to do thoughtwork and practice new thoughts. Ruminate about how thoughtwork can lead to disappointment following some false ‘positive thinking’ that is far away from reality. Stop doing thoughtwork.
R: I create a situation where I am wasting my time questioning thoughtwork instead of getting on with it, only because I choose to tell myself that it’s a waste of time.