Model about perseveration

I’m trying to understand why I perseverate on romantic relationships and men. I am always thinking about that topic, and usually hyperfocused on a man. I spend a lot of time studying and learning about communication, emotional intelligence, relationships, etc… – maybe in an effort to fix my own fear of abandonment/rejection so that I can have a good relationship, or maybe as a buffer. I’m trying to put this into a model but it’s not quite right (seems like BOTH of these models are true right now and I want to stop the first one – both of these thoughts exist and stem from the same circumstance) and I would like some help creating an intentional model from the first…
C no healthy romantic relationship
T I’m not good with romantic relationships
F desperate
A perseverate about men and relationships
R insecurity and poor quality relationships
C: no healthy romantic relationship
T I can learn to be better at relationships
F optimistic
A actively learning about relationships
R improved relationships