Model on fighting brothers

Hi Brooke –

My two sons have been going after each other pretty regularly for weeks now. I find myself impatient, and I’m trying to work a model on why I am letting my buttons be pushed.


C Fighting brothers
T The boys shouldn’t fight. It makes me nuts. I should help them stop.
F Rage, frustration
A Yelling, threatening, grounding
R Upset all around


C Fighting brothers
T It’s ok, it’s their prerogative
F: Oops, still mad.

Obviously if they were adults, I would just back away slowly and head for the door. But often their fights, untended, escalate into physical violence. They are 9 and 15.

I’m ripping my hair out trying to find my correct purchase in this scenario. The noise of them fighting is nigh on impossible for me to ignore, and yet I’ve conducted enough experiments to feel fairly certain my yelling doesn’t stop that.

I want to both parent, but be in my own business.