Model Help


I’ve known my in laws for 25 years… and in spending time with my mother in law she’s slowly conveyed that she “doesn’t really like women”; “her mom played favorites”.

My goal is to always clear out my thoughts and be open when spending time with them during the holidays. Issues pop up, but Hubby and I talk openly, often agree move through the hiccups in family events… back to our lives.

For example, after holiday dinners I would always go for a walk because there were four smokers enjoying an after dinner cigarette at the table. 1994-2000. I was criticized for this, but ignored it and enjoyed the opportunity for a digestive walk and fresh air.

We just always ignored the snark. Or I/we changed the C…
FAST FORWARD.
Ignoring stuff piles up.

C: Niece is a new mom in the family of a one year old.
T: The family validates, honors and positions her highly in the family. The family invalidates, dismisses and doesn’t position me highly.
F: Comparative
A: Show up vulnerable, host family for Thanksgiving
R: Thoughts make me feel judged and unappreciated, lesser

Is ignoring the same as “not having a manual” for someone?
I am allowing behavior that I judge to be not appropriate. Is that judgement a manual?

C: Niece is a new mom in the family of a one year old.
T: I am enough as an amazing mom, wife and daughter. She is an amazing new mom. (Which I know and believe.)
F: Validated.
A: Show up confident, not needing to be heard or valuing their positioning
R: Have an amazing Thanksgiving

But I have this rising feeling that I don’t want to IGNORE it anymore. You’ve given me the skills to articulate my feelings in the moment.
My husband has expressed, 25 years later that it just isn’t worth the conversation (ignore some more).

Which leaves me wanting to change the C.

But I’m seeing another model here:
C: Family time during the holidays
T: For 25 years, I’ve allowed myself to be invalidated, dismissed and lesser in the family.
F: Out of integrity with my Self
A: Show up aware and confident, not needy
R:

Please help me tighten up my three models. What are better choices?
Thanks!