Model help


Hello coaches. I’m needing some help in completing this model. I find if my T line is about my displeasure with someone else I struggle to find the R that pertains to me and not to them. I’ve attached my model to clarify this and hoping you can point me in the right direction.

C: they spend X money on alcohol/month
T: They’d rather spend money on alcohol then find a bigger apartment (which I of course think is a problem but they must not)
F: ashamed
A: hide, make excuses for them, buffer, lose sleep ruminating about it, judge them
R: I continue to think this is a problem????? (I’m not sure this is the R for this model because the R is supposed to be about me)

I find I struggle when doing models if my T’s are about someone else not following my manual. Of course I know my manuals for how other people should behave are ultimately what is causing my negative T’s but they clearly come up for me so I am looking to try to make some traction on them when doing my models.

I hear the question asked “How do I want to feel about this” when trying to work through thoughts/models and ideally I’d just like to accept they get to choose and respect the choice EVEN if I don’t like or agree with it. I realize their adult choices have nothing to do with me intellectually at least but I wonder if this is what’s getting me stuck because I think I’m making these choices mean something wrong with me or them.
IM:
C: they spend X money on alcohol/month
T: Her job is to figure out how to navigate her life. Mine is to love and accept her
F: accepting
A: stay out of judgement, accept what I cannot control, stay out of their models, do TDL, don’t make it about me
R: ???

As always appreciate the help.