My sister visited yesterday and when she came around she put her backpack and keys on my side board, it’s expensive and it’s a very light wood and would mark easily. I have had this sideboard a year and have never put anything on it except for an ornament which is on a coaster, so when she did this my eyes nearly popped out of my head!
I wanted to say, “Oh, could you take it off the sideboard please?”, but I just couldn’t. I had thoughts that like, “She will judge me, she will think I’m uptight and unwelcoming, this is why she never visits.”
So, instead I suggested we sit in the other room… so I could go back in sideboard room and take her stuff off of the sideboard! I immediately judged myself for this.
She then goes into the other room and points out that I have a ‘friend,’ meaning that there was a spider and cobweb. Sometimes I think she is jealous and she knows things like that will make me feel less than (pre scholars she would have been right).
Then the next day I felt a bit angry about it. “She doesn’t respect herself or her things and also doesn’t respect anyone else’s things.” I have years of evidence of this and she will admit it. This morning I couldn’t work out if I was angry at her or me for not saying anything- I think it’s both.
I’ve tried to do a model on this could you look at it for me please?
C bag and keys on sideboard
T she doesn’t care if she ruins my stuff
A wait for her to leave room. Move bag, judge her, judge self
R annoyed at myself and annoyed at her
So I then did another model because I felt maybe an issue was me not asking her to move the stuff.
C did not ask her not to place her belongings on side board
T There must be something wrong with me if I cannot make a simple request
A judge self and her, ruminate
R feel like I am not good enough, I have failed
So am I doing these models correctly?
From the models I decided to pull out the reason why I was worried about asking her to move her stuff – I tried to do a model on this but it didn’t really work because my worry was her thought about me?
So why was I worried, she might judge me and think I’m upright, then she won’t like me. I’m not really sure what to do with that?