For the first time in 30 years, my husband has decided he would like us to visit his family on the other side of the country for a week. In the 30 years of our marriage, we have only spent a day or two with them (our own wedding, some of their children’s weddings), so I don’t know them very well. Now, all of his siblings, and some of their children, have purchased homes in one town in the Poconos, and he suggested we visit for a week. I know it is important to my husband to connect with his siblings, and he is looking forward to spending time with the grand nieces and nephews. Me? Not so much. It is not that I dislike any of them, it is more that I am spending a week with near strangers and children, so it will be socially tiring for introverted me. My husband will disappear with his laptop for much of the time to work, so I will be the one carrying the social onus. His sister has ordered matching tee shirts for all 20 of us, and I have grim thoughts of forced team sports, which holds zero appeal for me.

I’ve never asked my husband to spend a week doing something he would not enjoy, but this is not the first time he has ‘made’ me take a trip I didn’t want to go on. I am fully aware I have a choice, but I know it matters to him that I come with him, so I agreed, hoping I could use my SCS tools to help.

I know all I need to do to enjoy this trip next week is to change my thoughts, but I am struggling with my models. Could you please help?

Current Models

C: Week long family vacation in the Poconos
T: I never made my husband do this with my family
F: Resentment
A: Seethe. Act annoyed all week. Grouse. Complain about the heat and the humidity and bugs and noisy children. Overdrink to buffer. Let my husband see my resentment.
R: I resent myself ? Not sure if this is right.

C: Week long family vacation in the Poconos
T: This trip will not be fun.
F: Trapped
A: Fret about amount of force together time. Whine about it. Expect the worst. Get annoyed at husband, especially when he disappears to work. Buffer with food and drink.
R: I do not have a fun trip.

Intentional Model

C: Week long family vacation in the Poconos
T:
F: So far, the only true feeling I can move toward is ‘resigned’, which isn’t all that good.
A: Smile wanly. Check out mentally.
R:

I guess the best feeling I can imagine that would actually serve me and that maybe – just maybe – I could believe is ‘curiosity.’