Hi Brooke and coaches,

I sometimes have trouble seeing the connection between my actual thought and how that relates to the result (and vice versa).

Does the T and R line ALWAYS need to be connected?

Here is the specific model I’m having trouble with today. My mom, who is elderly and lives across the country, has been the main caregiver to my dad for 6 years. He needs 24 hour care, and she refuses outside support except from my sibling who lives at home (and from me, when I’m visiting). She hasn’t taken a day off (except a forced break, when she had to go the hospital for a health issue caused by her care-giving). I’ve spent years worrying and feeling guilty for not living closer and visiting more often. I’ve done a lot of inner work to realize this is her choice and her life, yet I have to admit I always feel better / more relieved when I speak to her on the phone and I can hear from her voice that she’s OK and has things under control at home.

But recently she’s not been sounding OK, she sounds exhausted / exasperated. Then my own worry and guilt creeps back in. Here goes:

Unintentional model:
C: Mom cares for Dad at home, and said words to me when I phoned her: “I work 14 hours a day taking care of him and I don’t go to bed until 5am”.
T: What if mom gets sick and dies?
F: totally afraid
A: Overworry. Cry. Feel anxious and sad thinking about it. Start planning a trip home because I feel guilty.
R: (not sure what the result is or how it’s related to my fear-producing thought?)

Intentional Model:
C: Mom cares for Dad at home, and said words to me when I phoned her: “I work 14 hours a day taking care of him and I don’t go to bed until 5am”.
T: (not sure what thought to have here?)
F: peaceful and neutral
A: do models, practice EFT, pray for my mom instead of worrying about her, love and support her as much as I can without going into fear/worry about the future or giving into guilt.
R: feel acceptance of the situation no matter what, respect her choices, and know that I am resilient enough to handle whatever may happen with my parents in the future.

Thanks for your help.