Model help/husband drinking manual

Good morning coaches.
Working on making some traction on an issue in my marriage and I need a little input. I have come to recognize the manual I have for my husbands drinking and my thoughts surrounding his over consumption of alcohol. I have been trying to take the focus off of him and his actions and give myself my power back but as you can imagine it’s a well worn path and I get a bit stuck. Looking for some input here.

C: husband said he feels like “I am lecturing him” about his over drinking
T: I’m sorry he feels that way but he’s right I am
F: sad
A: find evidence where I am lecturing him, do a model, reflect on why I do this, justify why I do it, tell him I’m glad he shared how he was feeling when I spoke to him that way, didn’t beat myself up for it, try to have open dialogue with him and asked him how he would like to see our conversation go when we address this issue of over drinking
R: ???? see how I lecture him in an effort to to control the “C”

C: husband said he feels like “I am lecturing him” about his over drinking
T: maybe it’s possible I can drop my manual for his drinking
F: hopeful
A: don’t try to control him, don’t get in other peoples models, stay in my business, ????????
R: I’m learning to drop the manual for his drinking

This all sounds lovely but I’m not sure of the Action part of my intentional model. When I’m “in it” getting my brain on board and preventing it from running amuck seems like it’s completely outside my control (which of course I know intellectually it isn’t).
Appreciate any and all insight .