Hi Brooke and coaches,
I’m visiting my sister, bro in law, niece and nephew for my nephew’s college grad. I’ve travelled across the country to be here- travelled with my three children, 8,11,13. My father and his third wife and my mother and her third husband are visiting too. My nephew is joining the military with hopes of becoming a special ops member- my family is largely made up of liberal pacifists. My sister, who I adore and have always wanted to be closer to , has not said been open to much discussion about this- she plays her cards close to the breast and is very close to her kids and husband- very private. Tonight several family members started talking in a way my sister found non supportive and attaching towards my nephews decision to join army, I find myself acting in ways that try and get her to feel how much I support her, but I can feel how it’s really my attempt to be accepted and loved by her- not about trying to focus on her (I’m acting out of emotional childhood) . I’d like to shift this and really know my own value and act out of love not desperation for her acceptance. Here is my model
C Sister had reaction to others comments
T she is angry at them, if I support her she’ll like me more
F desperate hope
A ask what I can do to help her, bad mouth those who spoke, acted as if I were without flaw
R I don’t like me, still feel desperate for her love
Can you help with an I M? I’d like to feel supportive of me, her, and whole family.
Thank you,
Laura