Model Help After UTM – I ask myself what am I making this mean? before I go to ITM


Dearest Brooke, Doing model now on circumstance last night. Was on date night w/ husband last night & ran into a colleague of his. I was talking to the colleague & looked up & noticed my husband had checked out of conversation. His attention was elsewhere & he was doing the antsy thing. After the colleague left, I lost my shit. The colleague is going through divorce, has special needs child & mother not interested in spending time w/ his son – that was our conversation ….I shared that a lot of times my boys didn’t want to spend time w/ me, but did want to spend time w/ their dad & I just continued to love on them & reach out …
I had just gone on Instagram & seem my son’s Mitchell’s posts w/ pics of him & his father & in his wording his father, his best friend …. Also before we left house, I asked Jacob to do something – maybe read & he lost his shit …(Just giving you & myself context…)

UTM:
C: Conversation w/ Steve & Paul checked out
T:Paul checked out. Paul must not be interested in what I am sharing.
F: Hurt
A: Lost my shit – i.e. cried, ran out of market,
R: I checked out

We talked afterwards. I apologized. He apologized. I know I am 100% responsible for my thoughts, feelings & reaction. DAMN! I am so aware that my reaction was so disproportionate to the incident. Like the outburst & the accompany feelings were so intense. I felt heartbroken. So, before doing an intentional thought model would you suggest I ask myself what I am making it mean? Ok, several thoughts – He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t care. His lack of interest embarrassed me. I’m not interesting. I’m not helpful.

ITM:
C: Same
T: I am present in this conversation, & Paul is not.
F: engaged
A:( Stomp on Paul’s foot.- LOL. Talk to Paul afterwards.
R: Stay engaged in both conversations.

ITM:
C: I had a strong reaction to Paul’s check out last night. (Both P&I agree, so it is fact.)
T: ? I can learn & grow from this experience?
F: the feeling I am going for is at ease, at peace. self-acceptance
A: journal, do model work, do some creative writing, reach out to Brooke,
R: ? Learn & Grow?

Thx – Ginny