Hi Brooke,

I am a new scholar from september. Thank you for this program. It’s very helpful for me so far. I am french, so I am sorry for my english.

I had an problem this summer with my best friend’s futur husband. I will call him A, so it is easier to explain the situation. I still think about it and tonight I was trying to run models on this situation to understand what happened but I have trouble doing it. I have seen you video on the model but I still can’t figure this out. So I though I would ask for your help.

Here is the situation. We were talking in a group about mariage. There were 6 guys and just us 2 girls (my best friend and I). One of our friends, lets call him B, was going to propose to his girlfriend the next day and was asking for advices. A asked him if he did ask his girlfriend’s dad first. B answer no saying that his futur spouse would not appreciate that. A answer that if he was the dad, he would be upset to not have known before someone proposed to his daughter. And at that point I said to A “That’s very macho”. After that, A was said that he wasn’t macho and that I was being rude. After that us girls left because we did not wan’t to argue on this and the guys convinced each other while we were gone that I was trying to make A feel stupid in front of everyone, which I wasn’t. To make every one okay, I apologized to have upset A, so group was at peace again. Today, I still feel bad about apologizing because I still agree with what I have said and I was not sorry for saying this. I feel hypocrite each time I think of this. This is why I am trying to understand what happened here, so I can feel better about this situation.

So everyone agreed on the fact that A was upset because of me. I learned with your teaching that I am not responsible for other people feelings but I am responsible for my actions. So I tried to run a model on this for me and for A and I am stuck.

Model for E that day (me):
C: A says that as a dad, he would be upset to not have known his daughter boyfriend was going to propose.
T: That’s macho
F: angry
A: I tell him that what he said was macho
R: A is upset (?) Bad atmosphere in the group (?)

I have trouble with the R. I know it can’t be what I wrote because it’s not what you teach and it do not confirm my T. What am I doing wrong here ?

Model for me today:
C: I apologized for making A upset
T: I am not sorry for what I think
F: feeling hypocrite
A: thinking about it (?)
R: feeling bad (?)

I think A and R are wrong.

Model for A:
C: E is said that my words were macho.
T: E is trying to humiliate me in front of my dudes friends saying that I am macho.
F: Humiliation, injustice
A: I say to E that she is being rude and that I am not macho. (?)
R: Bad atmosphere in the group (?)

I have no clue what is the A and R here… I am sure I am mixing models but I don’t know which ones.

Can I have some help on this ?

Thanks.

Esther

PS: I tried to not give useless details. I am sorry if I did. I don’t want to make you waist your time.