Model of belief of student loans controlling my life

I have let my student loan debt become this monster in my closet that I don’t feel like I can escape. I am not sure if my result line reflects the results I am actually getting, and would like some feedback on this model. As well as guidance for to start to unravel the beliefs about my student loan debt.

C- I have ~$149,000 in student loan debt
T-I will never get the debt paid off. I am so stupid taking out these loans. I am shacked to this degree. I messed my whole life up by taking out these loans. I should have never taken out the loans, I could have found good job without the degree. Why did I do this? My mom warned me about this and I so stupidly didn’t listen. I have to keep working at a non-profit for 10 YEARS to even have a hope of paying them off to be in a loan forgiveness program for even a hope that they will paid off and I don’t even believe the loan forgiveness program will work. I can’t do other things with my increased income (I have gained from working in the field of my degree) because all of my money should be going toward my student debt first.
F- helpless
A- avoid looking at loans and thinking about them, yet ruminating on the the huge weight I carry. Frequently bring up how chained I am into the debt, and what a huge mistake I made by taking out the loans. Limit spending and expertise with my spouse in an effort to save money, to pay of my loans, however don’t funnel the money toward the student loans anyway. Continue working at a job because it meet criteria for being enrolled in loan forgiveness program. Not putting money toward debt even though with loans frozen by government even though the interest is not currently growing.
R-allow circumstance of the loan to permeate throughout my life and decisions