Model on Overwhelm-Model. Passing Through Neutral

Dear coaches, after 4 months in SCS I can’t say I’m feeling better. That was my aim for joining. During the last year I feel often overwhelm. The reason is we’ve many issues in the business in private realm. Friends are telling me they understand I feel like this regarding the situation. Nice, they’re friends, that’s their role, I get that.

I know my overwhelm comes from my thought; “It’s too much to handle, it’s too hard””, “I’m not in control of the outcome”, “I’m not able to plan this”. Etc.

The worst part is I think “I should know better by now”, “You know it’s all just a thought’, “a Circumstance is neutral”. So I have a model on my model that causes even more suffering than my ‘original’ model.

Last week I had a 20″ coach call on this topic, or better on my model I’m in. A thought that was offered to me was “It’s okay be be overwhelmed now”, and “I can handle hard”. I agree totally with these offered thoughts, but since then I’m still in the same ‘mood’, meaning feeling overwhelm and even ‘victim’. And I really not want to feel a victim, I’d like to feel in control, in charge, proud, confident. I’m able to come up with thoughts that would lead towards these feelings, but… I don’t believe them. So they’re not useful, now.

This morning I was listening to the last podcast about Passing through neutral. I get the idea, still, I can be in that space for a second, and then go straight back to all my thoughts that are not serving me at all.

I’m able to see my actual situation from a distance. Then I tend to come up with comparisons, and a comparison means always a judgement in the end (like; “We live in the first world with clean drinking water, we have food, we have a house, all the rest is drama”).

My model on my model I’m in is:

C. Model I’m in
T. I should be able to have other thoughts so I wouldn’t feel overwhelm (so I should live in another model by now)
F. Failure
A. Spinning, not able to sleep well, blaming people involvedR. Stay in my ‘overwhelm’-model

What feedback, help can you offer?
Thank you