The Model really works!

Hi Brooke,

I’ve been in SCS since the beginning and have done about 80% of the homework but I was not able to do the entire month of May relationships work. I had been sick in addition to taking care of my sick grandfather so I knew I wouldn’t be able to give it the attention it needed but I do intend to do the work at a later date. So, my grandfather is 97 and has taken a turn for the worse. We’re not sure if he’s going to bounce back like he has a million other times. I don’t have a super close relationship with one of my cousins and saw on Facebook that she was heading to my area to see her parents so my Dare of the Day was to reach out to her to give her an update on gramps. This was a dare for me because I know she’s always had a weird relationship with the family and I had no idea if she would be open to seeing gramps or not. So I messaged her this morning with an update and an invite to see him, also giving her an out if “her schedule didn’t allow a visit”.

She replied that she’s having complicated feelings about it because she had some negative interactions with gramps at her father’s funeral and she didn’t know if it would be good for him or her to visit. So my brain immediately went to…what a bitch, she’s so self-centered, it’s always about her, he’s on his deathbed and she’s making this about her. And then it’s as if the Brooke-ometer in my brain took over and I then thought…clearly she has had interactions I know nothing about and this must be hard for her. She could be lying to me and that’s okay. I put the invite out there and she replied quite honestly. Her response made me think she was baiting me a bit to get me to ask her specifics and then I thought of my favorite saying…not my circus, not my monkeys.

So I sit here knowing that I’ve done my part and if she comes, she comes. She probably won’t and that’s okay and I will tell my grandfather that she sends her love. Because even if she is having negative feelings about him, she is responding with love by not visiting. I would rather her keep those things to herself than make her last interaction with him a negative one. And I’m choosing to feel that it is a loving action to stay away.

When I began with SCS, the model was very challenging to me and I thought that this will never get easier. Well, the fact that I was able to reframe my thoughts without even writing them down is proof that it does get easier. And as always, I thank you for allowing me to see love where I would once have seen hate.