Model on teenage daughter forgetting

Hi Brooke,

Yesterday my husband and I were away from our house for 12 hours with our younger son at a state track meet that was 2 hours away. Before we left and when my daughter was as home I asked her if she could take a break while parking cars with her boyfriend’s family to let the dog out to go to the bathroom and feed her dinner. She said yes. I put the dog in her crate and we left.

Flash forward 10 hours later and I get a text from my daughter saying that they are done parking cars. They are getting cleaned up to go to a graduation party. Can she spend the night out, go to Mass in morning early, and work again parking cars at 10am? Before I said yes, I asked her if she let the dog out. She said no. She had been so busy parking cars she didn’t have a chance to leave. Then she told me they were so busy she forgot.

So, I told her no spending the night out. Be home at 1:00 curfew. I also told her I felt sorry for the dog who had been in her crate for 10 hours and that I felt disappointed and that what our family needed was important too.

My daughter said she was sorry. I told her I accept that she’s sorry but I need action next time.

C: daughter forgot about dog
T: she only cares about herself and what she’s doing with boyfriend and family
F: disappointed
A: tell her in a text I’m disappointed
R: I only express concern about my needs and those of our dog and don’t accept her excuse that she was busy as a good reason

C: daughter forgot about dog
T: everyone forgets and no one is perfect
F: forgiving
A: tell her in a text I understand and everyone forgets
R: I accept that I forget too and no one is perfect

Where does all this leave the poor dog and her forgetting about the puppy? I realize it’s happened and we can’t go back and I can’t change she forgot.

And, am I confusing consequences for a teenager (saying no to spending night out) with a need to do a model on this situation to begin with? I could have texted her and said, “Oh it’s ok. We all forget. Go have a good time and I’ll see you tomorrow.” But I think she didn’t follow through and that needed consequences.

One other question: do we need to drop expectations of teenagers and not expect them to remenber? Was I operating from a place of lack/need to even ask her?

Thanks for any insight. I think want to feel forgiving. But not sure how this fits in with parenting.