Model Work for Breakup


I am doing thought downloads and model work around ending my relationship with my fiancé and could use some feedback. I am new to Self Coaching Scholars and this model approach and am not sure I’m getting it quite right. I struggle to know what to put in the results line for the future. It’s supposed to be the same as the thoughts line?

Here are a couple of examples from this morning:

Unintentional Model

C – My fiancé lives with me and my daughters
T – If I tell him I’d like him to move out, he’ll be devastated. I’m afraid to tell him that I want him to move out because I’m afraid of his reaction (his feelings, thoughts, and actions) and my feelings in response to his reaction.
F – Fear
A – I put off telling him and vacillate in my decision
R – I live in fear of making the relationship changes that I know I need to make

Intentional Model

C – My fiancé lives with me and my daughters
T – I can tell him that I want him to move out and we will both survive the emotions of the breakup
F – Resolve
A – I decide to tell him sometime in the next 3 weeks
R – I will tell him and we will both survive the emotions of the breakup

So, even if I’m doing the model correctly, how do I turn the thoughts and model of the moment into my reality? I find myself doing the models in the morning and feeling positive about making changes and then getting caught up in the moments of day-to-day life and forgetting my resolve from earlier or starting to vacillate about the decision.

More models…

Unintentional Model 1:

C – I’m ready to end my engagement and separate households
T – I’m worried that my fiancé might end his life (as he’s talked about it several times)
F – Fear
A – Stay in the relationship
R – ?

Intentional Model 1:

C – I plan to end my engagement and ask my fiancé to move out
T – I am not responsible for his feelings, thoughts, or actions
F – Peace
A – I approach the conversation with love and compassion
R – I own my own thoughts, feelings, and actions and let my fiancé own his

More Intentional Models:

C – I’m ready to end my engagement and separate households
T – It’s doable
F – Calm resolve
A – Have the conversations that we need to have
R – It’s doable

C – My fiancé lives with my kids and me
T – I can make the best choices for my family and me
F – Strong, powerful
A – I ask my fiancé to move out even though we still love each other
R – I make the best choices for my family and me

C – I am a people pleaser
T – I am capable of being assertive and my own best advocate
F – Strong
A – I stand up for my interests and preferences
R – I am my own best advocate