Good morning! So….I have a friendship with a couple that I see at a weekly support group that we all attend for several years. It is not a super deep friendship although we really all seem to like each other and know a lot about each other’s lives due to the nature of the group. We chat afterward most weeks, and have also gone to lunch and it seemed that the enjoyment has always been mutual. Recently this couple has been standoffish to me, ie, not as warm when they see me, or they don’t stay for chats etc. I went immediately to the place of anxiety and I must have done something wrong? I approached one of the women after the group one night and made a tentative outreach, just asking if everything was ok? She said, oh, it’s fine but that was it. Yesterday I emailed them and said I missed our chats, and that we had been planning a lunch after the holidays and asked if they still would like to do so. Brief but felt that I had expressed my feelings of missing them and my desire to still have a friendship. No response so far. So here’s my models……
C- B and S have been less friendly to me
T- I did something wrong
F- sad, abandoned, anxious
R-lost friendship? Lost opportunity to deepen a friendship?
C-B and S have been less friendly to me
T-I did something wrong
A- reach out to them
R-thoughts and feelings dependent upon their response
C- B and S have pulled away from me
T- I am curious about this change
F- Missing our friendship
A – Reached out
R- ????? Optimal is we reconnect? But maybe we don’t? I want this R to be about my acceptance of whatever happens.
Can you help me with this? I guess my goal is that if there is a reason for their pulling back, I would like to know if we can deepen the friendship by repairing. If not, I will deal with that as well. I am surprised at my level of anxiety about this considering they are not life long friends, although the fact that we see each other every week and communicated warmly up until now does impact my sense of wanting the friendship not have any uncomfortableness about it. And I miss their weekly friendship, too! Is there another way to structure my model? Thank you!