Could I have some feedback on my thoughtwork please?
Models about A who I think has behaved appallingly, is a horrible narcissist and bully, and I blame for having ruined my career. We no longer speak, but I still have some professional contact with her. After a particular unpleasant exchange, I once had the thought that I wished she would just get run over by a big truck.
C: A is alive and well
T: Shame she didn’t get run over by a big truck
A: Hate hearing or seeing anything about her, spend time wishing her failure and evil things, go over why I hate her so much and how she is a horrible person, check social media looking for proof for what?, when she does pop up anywhere I check what she is doing and feel resentful that she was asked to do whatever work she is promoting, don’t create my own work, don’t create my own circles, stay away from anything she could be involved in, tell myself that I have to keep it ‘professional’. Don’t make work, don’t try to set up my own project, don’t do the work I am actually really good at. Train as a coach instead, do a certificate at a fancy uni to prove what? Act out of scarcity.
R: I create the result that I behave with my career as if I had been run over by a truck and could no longer do my job
C: A is alive and well
T: She has no power over how I get to think and feel
A: I don’t give her power, I have my own back,
R: I take full responsibility for how I think and feel
C: A exists
T: I have the power to decide how I want to think and feel
A: I do my thoughtwork, do my models, I watch my thoughts, I notice when I am about to hand her lots of power, I have my own back, I catch myself when I am about to spend too much time wondering about what is going on in her model, I take a deep breath before I open one of her emails, I decide on how much time I am willing to dedicate to answering to any of her communications and set a timer, I scan her emails for emotional blackmailing and only answer to what is absolutely necessary and choose to ignore the rest. I spend less time thinking about her and more time thinking about what I want to create in my life, I unfollow her on social media, I decide what to think about her rather than let my thoughts run wild
R: I take ownership over my thoughts and feelings