Models about thanksgiving

Hi coaches –

I’m working on the “How To Change Your Past” workbook. It asks me to do an unintentional model and an intentional model.

I live in Florida, but I am from another country where we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. I have friends here and stuff, and I was invited to some dinners but I just didn’t feel like going. Work has been really busy and I’ve been traveling a lot and am feeling tired. I’m also working on detoxing from sugar, and this is my first weekend with zero sugar and flour. I figured since I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, it’s a great time to stay home, be cozy, and have a self-care weekend.

I’m finding I’m judging myself a lot for not being more social.

My unintentional model looks like this:

C: Thanksgiving day I went to the gym and did a class, cleaned up the house, had a bubble bath, worked on some stuff I’ve been procrastinating for a long time, watched some Netflix in a non-compulsive way, I did some Christmas decorating, I chatted with my boyfriend in text and best friend (they also don’t celebrate Thanksgiving). I took a nap, and I did an amazing job not eating any sugar or flour.
T: I should have been more social, there’s something wrong with me
F: Shame
A: Ruminate, try to ‘fix’ myself, feel the desire to buffer with food (but I don’t, I allow the urges), I drink a TON of water to calm my body, I just kind of get stuck in my head overthinking and judging myself (is overthinking an action?)
R: I judge myself, make up problems that I try to fix – I get stuck in this loop of ‘fixing’

I can see that I am personally pretty happy with my Thanksgiving day. I don’t care about the holiday, but I’m worried that other people think I’m weird. That’s the real problem.

C: Thanksgiving day I went to the gym and did a class, cleaned up the house, had a bubble bath, worked on some stuff I’ve been procrastinating for a long time, watched some Netflix in a non-compulsive way, I did some Christmas decorating, I chatted with my boyfriend in text and best friend (they also don’t celebrate Thanksgiving). I took a nap, and I did an amazing job not eating any sugar or flour.
T: My boyfriend thinks I should be more social
F: Shame (like I should hide or be different than I am)
A: I think about how I don’t have enough friends, I wonder if something is wrong with me for staying in so much, I worry that if I move it will be hard to make new friends, I judge the friendships that I do have (and I do actually have friends), but I still want to stay home
R: I have no idea what the result is here

I feel like I’m so in my head with these models, and nothing is budging. This is a feeling I want to buffer over. I want to be able to figure out my models, but I feel like there are models on models on models and I’m just confused sometimes and I’ve been doing thought work for a long time. Then I try to look for the belief, but there is just so much going on in my head all the time that I don’t know how to turn this into a different model without thought-swapping.

Maybe I need to just have compassion and love for myself for exactly where I am right now? I’m not sure what to do when I have thoughts and models that feel like they run around in circles.

It’s like:

I should be more social
My boyfriend thinks I should be more social
I want to have more friends
I’m too obsessed with food and weight right now
I wish I had friends I wanted to hang out with
If I move to be with my bf, I won’t have any friends
Will I ever have close friends?
Maybe I need to be friends with neighbors?

This is the line of questioning my brain goes down, which seems impossible to interrupt.

The intentional model I came up with was: