Hi Brooke! I have been with Scholars for two months now and I am so grateful for this work! I am one of the ones who thought that I couldn’t afford this program and really I “could not afford” to continue living my life in emotional childhood. Your teachings are simply amazing!
Now for my question – I have been doing lots of models on work and my responses to stressful times and I would like to post it for help/tweaking. I somehow feel that I am missing a piece that is very important to help me transition more out of these conditioned responses that I have. I manage a restaurant that is very busy. I like what I do and, for the most part, I believe that I am fantastic at it. There are moments when I hit overload and lose the adult part of myself. Luckily, it is fairly subtle and I do not tirade or rage, but I have a look that crosses my face and projects anger/frustration to whoever I am dealing with. I also suck in my breath and completely contract myself with my body language. I know when I have teetered into reaction and I am 100% sure that my staff does too. I do not want to continue losing faith in myself or take actions that cause my staff to lose faith in my ability to lead them.
Before Scholars, I would have blamed my behaviors on the stress of my job. Now I know that it is my thoughts that create my feelings, actions and results. So grateful, because I know that with time I can change those. Please see my models below and tell me any changes you would suggest. I know that they are similar, but I notice these are the thoughts that continue to come up.
T- this is too much!
A- become short tempered
R- I show that I can’t handle it
T- I am very good at my job and I can do this
A- think clearly and direct my staff
R- I manage the situation
T-they should know better
A-give intense looks and become stressed
R- I don’t teach and staff still does not know better
T- I have some work to do with my staff and that is ok
A- put together a plan of action to teach
R- I retrain staff and do the work
T- this should be different
F – resentment
A – I contract and blame people
R – things stay the same
T- what can I learn from what is?
A- pay attention with acceptance
R- work within reality
I am really working toward interrupting these models in real time. So far, I have only gotten as far as acknowledging that my thoughts are causing it all and allowing it to diffuse/shift due to practicing different thoughts in my head. In these moments, I do not believe that I have the time to walk away and write a quick model in my notebook. As I am writing this I am wondering if is this the same thing as me not believing that I could afford Scholars… maybe I can’t afford to NOT take the time to scribble my model in the moment. Hmmm… I think I know the answer to that one.