Mom Guilt – And the cycle of guilt that surrounds it

I have a lot of guilt around not wanting to spend so much time on the weekends with my boys, and sometimes not even wanting to spend the weekday evenings with them after school. It makes me feel so guilty to think this way because I love them so much and I feel like a terrible mother and a selfish person for not wanting to be with them more, especially since I already only get them every other week (their dad and I share custody 50/50). If I dig a little into possibilities WHY I don’t want to be with them as much, I can see that being around them brings up a lot of other feelings of guilt. When I am around the boys, or when they are at the house and I am in another part of the house doing something else, I feel so guilty for not playing with them or doing something more productive with them. I feel uneasy and selfish and just ICKY! So to escape THAT feeling, I sometimes find other things to do or places to go – which takes me outside the house – and then I start the NEW cycle of feelings that also include guilt and selfishness, etc. I want to figure out a way to enjoy my life with the boys more. To be with them and enjoy our time together but also not to feel guilty or selfish if they are at the house and I’m not all up in their business. What can I do to ease my feelings of guilt? Do they originate with the fact that I don’t have the boys 24/7? The expectations to “make the most of” the time I DO have with them? I know they spend too much time on their tablets and watching TV when they are with me, and that makes me feel lazy and selfish and guilty. But I feel so guilty when they ask me to play with them and I don’t do it, so at least when they are on their tablets they aren’t expecting me to entertain them. It’s really just six one way and half a dozen the other.