I have this long long manual for my mother. I can see, based upon the manual i wrote down, how distant i have been with her. We have had a very enmeshed relationship for years where i essentially parented her most of my life.
I ran models and the most neutral thought i could come up with was my mom is a human woman that I know. This work for about a week, but now it is making me feel kind of guilty that I don’t feel more love for her.
Here are some of my current models:
T: She is a human woman
A: avoid her, decline to see her, listen to her on the phone and dont share much
R: treat my mother like an acquaintance
Intentional model that doesn’t feel true yet
C: my mother
T: i can love her and still set boundaries
F: love and kindness
A: call 1x/week only, see her 1x/month only, hold space when i talk to her, dont give advice or parent her
R: loving attitude towards my mom
My current real time model looks like this when i talk to her
C: mother calls and says words
T: (i think some mean judgy thoughts and there are too many to list here) basic recurring theme “what the F you crazy liar”
F: anger and frustration
A: be short with her, dont share much, impatience, ask lots of questions to get her to see i know she is lying
R: bad relationship with my mother
Any insight on these models would be very helpful. Thank you in advance!