Mom thoughts

I’m lost on this one. My mom (my thoughts about my mom) is a mess. She has diagnosed but untreated mental illness which causes her to act in a way that is hard to be around. She is unable to manage her basic life needs but instead of intuiting that it’s because of her illness, she blames the people around her (mostly me) for doing various things that make her life impossible if we try to help her.

As her daughter I have all kinds of thoughts about how she should be different and how sad I am to have “lost” the mom I grew up with, how unfair it is, etc.

But what I struggle most with on a daily basis is that I feel guilty for the boundaries I’ve drawn now, (to protect my own mental health, and let’s be honest, to not have to listen to her bullshit every day).

I like my reasons for my boundaries now, but also still feel guilt that my lack of presence in her life is making it easy for her to have thoughts that cause her to feel very, very sad. I also fear that if and when she dies, I will have massive regret that maybe I could prevent by managing myself better now.