Hi,

My mom recently had to move out of her parents house into her boyfriends house when her parents died (she was taking care of them). I went to visit for Christmas and her house looks like a hoarders house. She had left a bunch of stuff at my dad’s house (her previous marriage) which I recently helped my dad back it all up into boxes and put into a storage unit so he could sell the house. She has so much stuff.

I don’t know how to help her. When I’m with her she gets angry and frustrated with me … I’ve been in scholars for a year and understand that she isn’t angry and frustrated with me but those feelings are coming from her thoughts which could be a number of things. I feel bad for her and I so badly want to help but I don’t know what to do.

She wants to go through each and every box and she has a number of things she wants to sell but a lot of it obviously won’t sell. She broke her elbow and has 2 surgeries so she is having such a hard time mobility wise (and it doesn’t help that there is nowhere to move in the house) and needs help showering and putting on clothes. I can help her when I’m here with those things but I live very far away so I’m not in a location to help ongoing.

I recently asked her what she wanted in her life. I was wondering what her end game was with the stuff, did she want to sell it? Did she want to store it? What was she wanting to do and why was she holding onto it.

She responded saying, “I really want to end my life.” I started to cry and asked why and she responded with, “It’s such a struggle, it’s always a struggle”.

I realize that is her thought. And it’s causing her pain but I can’t force this idea on her. I’ve shared many podcasts, tried to talk it through with her, I CLEARLY can’t coach her on it as I’m way to in the pool. I just don’t know what to do or how to help.

C – Mom stated “I really want to end my life”
T – I don’t know how to help her
F – Helpless
A – Listen to her, try to talk with her, cry
R – I don’t know how to help her

C – Mom stated “I really want to end my life”
T – I love my mom so much and feel for her while she’s going through this hard time
F – love
A – reach out dad (who’s a psychologist so he’s aware), keep sending podcasts I think might help, look to hire her a life coach?, look to find ways to help her stay active, look towards finding a way to move to be able to help her more, look to find ways to move her closer to her siblings for help, spend more time talking to her about what her ideal life looks like, continue to be there for her
R – I love my mom so much and am there for her while she goes through this hard time

My intentional model still doesn’t make me feel better about the situation or anything. I feel love towards my mom but I’m just so sad. I can’t force her to see that she’s creating this. I can’t help her. Idk …

Wanted to get help/advice.

Thank you.
D