Mom’s judgment


I have a pretty good relationship with my Mom after many years of struggle. She loves to voice her opinion and judgment and it usually revolves around my weight. We came to blows over it at one point because she was living with me, while I pay all of the bills, and judging me the way she does. Sometimes audibly, other times “creatively.” I have done a lot of manual work on that relationship and it’s 100x better. We have a pretty good relationship. She for sure has a lot of issues around weight and people being overweight. Huge issues. So here’s my question. I was visiting her the other night and maybe the outfit I wore showed off the size of my stomach or maybe I’m bloated (I’m for sure overweight, no question there). While I was visiting her, I caught her staring at my stomach with her judgmental look many times. She even did it will she was standing in front of me to where it was impossible that I would see her doing it. It really annoyed the f— out of me. I removed myself from the situation and distanced myself the next day.

I’m not sure where to go with this in regards to self-coaching. I know I am overweight and I know she has issues with weight. I don’t know if I want to do the work around being comfortable in a place where she is judging me the entire time I’m there (I for sure feel like this is a C, and if I had video many would agree, lol). It’s so crazy to me. Yes, I have a large stomach. Fine, take a look. Look twice if you need. I genuinely believe that she was doing it excessively so I would notice as a way to maybe motivate me to lose weight. She has pulled stuff like this before. She would show me pictures of myself and say “I know you’re going to hate the way you look in this.” and then hand it right on over. It’s hurtful honestly. I worked through all of my anger with all of her little deceptive/hurtful tactics over the years and I feel like I’m in a cleaner place now.

I know I can’t change her, there’s really no point in bringing it up to her from what I can see. She is who she is and I am who I am.

The way I see it. I either do the work so I can let her judge me and just being okay with being judged when I’m around her (I don’t even know if I want this) or I just pull back, distance myself and start cultivating healthier relationships.

Granted, she does not do this every time. But the over-the-top way she did it the other day was honestly quite hurtful. I’m more than my weight and I wish she could see through that.

Would love some coaching/insight/tips.