I hate to spend money but I love giving things that don’t cost me. For example I make bouquets and cards and bake for people. I resent having to constantly throw $10 into a gift pool every month for buying coworkers presents (young crowd, marriage, babies, engagement, etc). Trying to do model. I justify in my mind that this generation is too materialistic and I don’t want to add to that. They don’t give a thank you card. I love them all sincerely but not this aspect of their behavior. I am trying to learn by observing my reactions. I tell myself it’s ok, this is who I am but at the same time I am choosing to tell myself I am a cheap bitch. Struggling between the 2 ways of thinking. Is it right to just keep throwing the money in even though I feel this way? Especially now that I have no flowers left till spring….