Money and shame


Brooke really touched a delicate spot when she talked about money and spirituality. I was raised in a family with a mother that was a yoga teacher. My father was a journalist. We had always enough money. Middle class. The 3 of us, kids, went to college. My father was very open about money, he loved his job, he earned what he wanted to earn. That was it.
My mother always spoke about not finding money important, but she has always been jealous on people with lots of money. In the past I’ve asked her if I saw that right, and she got really angry with me, answered she doesn’t even know the feeling of jealousy!!!

Interesting is that the 3 of us all live the good life, also money wise, and I still see her being jealous (now 77 years old). She told me once she should have had a better life, she meant my father should have earned more, not her. When I started dating my now husband 15 years ago she mentioned when he left the room that for me everything was easy since my husband had a prosperous business (I had a good job too). She’s still behaving like she should live in other social circles than she does. She suffered from my father not being enough ‘career oriented’. She was sending double signals; money is not okay but my father should earn more since she deserved more.

I see this very clear. Now I’m thinking how this has influenced me. I notice I don’t like to speak about money with friends (they have less than I have). I found out I feel shame! We have enough. We don’t overspend. And the businesses we are in now we started because we like it, not because we need more money for ‘something’.

I feel there’s more to explore about my relation with money. Do you have more questions I can ask myself? This is really interesting.

Thank you so much!