Money Fears, Models, and Future Me Response


I woke up this morning feeling anxious, sad, exasperated, powerless. I recorded the thoughts contributing to these emotions and have created 4 models below.

UM1
C- No paid coaching client right now. EDD website text: Need to be no longer working at employer to be eligible to apply for claim. I work part-time with employer. I did not apply for new claim.
T- I’m going to run out of money next week.
F- Anxious
A-Fret on “where’s it going to come from?” Ruminate on past panicked sentiments and unwanted scenarios where I scrounged to come up with money. Keep looking at my past for why “this time” is not going to be different. Spend more time on lower income producing work. Ease off the intensity of client creation actions I’ve been taking: don’t call as many leads, send less LinkedIn invitations. Buffer with personal growth, exercise, meditation, chores, errands. The leads or prospects I do reach out to is with frazzled needy energy.
R-I repel income opportunities or my reticular activator does not see them.

UM2
C- No paid coaching client right now. EDD website text: Need to be no longer working at employer to be eligible to apply for claim. I work part-time with employer. I did not apply for new claim.
T- No more Scholars after next week.
F – Powerless
A – Decrease output and focus on creating new clients using methods I’ve been employing: regular calls to leads, social media DMs, keep adding value to other people. I don’t ask for support to improve my client creation methods. In all biz growth communications, I transmit low energy and low vibe. I block myself from seeing that if push comes to shove, I have more than enough money in other savings accounts I could use to buy another month of SCS. I tell myself, “That money is earmarked for other things. We are not using it for coaching. We are debting ourselves if we do that.” I ruminate in the stew of “I can’t do anything about this.” I choose not to continue with Scholars.
R – No more Scholars after next week.

UM3
C- No paid coaching client right now. EDD website text: Need to be no longer working at employer to be eligible to apply for claim. I work part-time with employer. I did not apply for new claim.
T- We’re here again.
F- Exasperated
A- I quit. I put my business on the shelf for an extended period of time…again. If I keep working on the business I’m making 5 calls a week (maybe) instead of 35+ per week; I buffer with working on copy and articles and making my website or LinkedIn profile better instead of contacting as many people as I can for conversation. I hide out in my other job which pays way way less than my coaching business. I ruminate on it’s better to put more energy into definite employment instead of betting on myself and my business.
R- My business stagnates. I repeat the cycle of worry and lose focus on the business.

UM4
C- No paid coaching client right now. EDD website text: Need to be no longer working at employer to be eligible to apply for claim. I work part-time with employer. I did not apply for new claim.
T- I keep living in the land of internal growth, but not material expansion.
F- Exasperated
A-I stop believing in myself. I lose faith in my future. I don’t go all in for the long haul. I renege on my commitment to run my business. I downplay, discard, shit on all the successes I have had, including the material expansion I have experienced over the last 6 years since I quit my full-time job and haven’t needed to go back to full-time employment doing work I hate. I don’t double down on focusing and channeling FutureMe. I don’t connect deeply with my Higher Power and instead ruminate on my HP doesn’t give a shit about me growing in this area. I ruminate on how much everything I HAVE accomplished doesn’t count.
R- I don’t experience further material expansion. I stunt my internal growth.

UM5
C- No paid coaching client right now. Completing Company Manifesto worksheet in Entrepreneurship vault.
T- You’re ridiculous to think you’re gonna grow this business to employ people and have a staff when you can’t even get one fucking client, let alone enough to warrant hiring others.
F- Shame
A-I tell myself things like, “Well, maybe this really isn’t for me.” I close the business and hope for the best working in a historically-underearning field. I get a second or third job doing work I’m not passionate about but just need the money. I give up on my desire to create a $1M business by 2031. I stop setting impossible goals because I tell myself, “Why bother. It’s not going to work.” I disconnect from myself when desires emerge. I find people to commiserate with. I buffer with lots of TV and hanging out in bed.
R-I don’t create a financially profitable business.

After completing all these models, I see that these are not good thoughts to think. I see that exasperation, shame, powerlessness, and anxiety are not productive emotions to have at the forefront of my internal world. I see how powerful these little thoughts can be. I haven’t gotten to the point yet of writing intentional models based on these UMs. What’s coming up for me are rebuttals and accessing my Highest Self and Future Selves when these thoughts rear up from time to time:

– My sweet girl. I acknowledge how scary this all is. And I will love you through all of this. But we ain’t giving up.
– Future Me gotta can step in and say:
*Cut it out. We’re just not going there.
*These thoughts are no surprise and we planned for this.
*Keep going.
*Thank you for sharing, now shut up.”

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