Money matters

I was made redundant and out of job for a month which I feel awesome about, I get to rethink my whole life, what’s important, how to move forward, etc. Made some very decent progress in SCS that helps me with moving forward so I’m happy.

However, my husband is out of work as well. His business was shut down in March due to Covid and it’s only reopening now with much less students, much less income. He only realized now (!) that his pre March income was extremely low as well (been in business for only a year), so even if he is coming back up to that level – which will take several months -, he’d still struggle to provide us, even though that’s what we agreed on when I decided not to go back to work.

He runs his clubs in the afternoons, 4 times a week so he’d have plenty of time to look for other income sources but we’re always waiting for something and even though this kind of financial uncertainty is killing me, I always agree to it thinking that his clubs are his life, his purpose, I don’t want to take it away from him, etc. but I also know that I don’t want to go back to work – possibly at all. This period I’ve been out of work made me realize that I’ve been doing something I hated, I’ve made my mind up about not going back to the corporate environment and figured out my purpose which I’m extremely excited about. However, with zero money in, I’m struggling to believe any of it and I’d love to rely on him but I don’t think he’ll ever make as much money as I did which makes me super nervous.

My model on this is as follows
C My husband doesn’t do anything about our money matters
T He should take care of us for once (I’ve never been out of work and always earned very well)
F Anxious, nervous, worried
A Start looking for work for myself
R Going back to my unhappy unfulfilled professional life I’ve just managed to leave behind

C My husband doesn’t do anything about our money matters
T He just needs time to sort it out
F Relieved and continue working on how to live into my purpose
A Help him making decisions whenever he needs me
R Husband providing our family

I’m totally gutted having realized all this and could really do with some help how to handle the situation.