Money mindset and money decisions

I sincerely seek your expertise as it pertains to money and money choices. And all that goes with it -making it, spending it, expensing it for taxes, understanding it and ultimately having a wonderful loving relationship with it!

After spending most of my 30’s and 40’s feeling a pit in my stomach that there was more for me career-wise, (I was in the advertising and marketing industry), I’m just beginning my 4th year as a Real Estate Agent, which means I am self-employed. I LOVE love love love love my career! It totally suits me and I’m great at it! The only thing I don’t love is having somewhat inconsistent income. Some months I make $15000, other months I might make nothing or $5,000 – $7,000.

The first two years in this business, I had little income and previously made approx. $80,000 a year, so I depleted my retirement fund (around $50,000) and paid for the fees, marketing, coaching and living expenses on credit cards, which DID help me become successful pretty quickly. I’m now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and my business is starting to seriously take off. . . . but II am still paying off part of the credit card debt and I still get mired in the “what if’s” – as in, what if the market changes, what if I make “x” amount this year and then next year only make $60k or $75k? These thoughts are impacting what to do with the money I make now and thus leaves me confused on how to attack my debt, save for retirement again, etc. Also, I want to adjust my lifestyle as my earnings increase, but I feel “guilty” because I am still in debt from the first few years.

How do I catch my “money mind” up to my new career? How do I decide for myself and for my family what makes sense to spend money on? For example, I’d like to lease a new car and can justify it because it is a business expense but because of my relationship with money and the fact that I am still in debt, I’m not sure if this makes sense for me to do now . . . or if I do, will it be inauthentic? Am I a fake to drive a beautiful new 2019 car and have $30k in debt? The bottom line is I want to be decisive, and happy – oh, and SMART in my real estate role, and be confident in the money decisions I make. Please, please help!