My husband likes to spend and I am not a spender. When our money was joint I felt resentment as he spent on luxury items for himself and I felt I had no say as he would do it without discussion. We had a discussion 5 years ago and we decided to split the money. Both add to joint account and what we did on our own was our own business. I have not felt any resentment since then. He is free to do what he wants and I am free to do what I want. Now I come to find out that he resents this and spoke to another person about this.
The conversation we had must have been him people pleasing. I subsequently took my share and sent it back to him saying “ I understand that you are resentful and I also see that you must have not felt good about this decisions. Here is the money and I love you”.
He has not responded. I feel free as this is hard for me and I know growth happens during hard things. I have to now allow him to be him and this is ok. I can change the pattern of wanting to control his spending.
I am struggling that he is not wanting to discuss this at all. I am sensing he is shocked. I don’t want to bring it up either as money has been a source of conflict.
I know that I own my feelings of wanting to control him and feel that letting go was the work I needed to do.
I suppose I just let him figure out what this means for himself since he does not want to talk? Or do I bring it up again?
As scary as this is for me I know that I had to do it and jump off the cliff. Where I go from here is in the work I do to handle my mind. I know now that he has all of the control over the money and that is what he wanted so I am just sitting with the feelings of anxiety. Letting it be there until I have to handle my mind over a big purchase I know nothing about. Is this on the right track?