I didn’t reach my September goal of “finding a suitable rental property and make an offer on it.” I kept working on the money modules instead. Now I’m doing the October work whole hog, including the podcast study guides. I think I found the core belief that is really holding me back.
C: Personal finance.
T: “People are victims of big banks/big corporations, and it’s my moral and professional obligation to help those less fortunate than myself, even though I’m fighting a losing battle.”
F: Obligated. Dramatic. Self-important heroine. Discouraged. Cynical. Resentful. Martyring.
Actions are seen across my professional, personal and financial life:
— Stay in the same career even though there are other things I could do professionally that might be more rewarding, emotionally and financially, because “the captain goes down with the ship” — I feel obligated, for as long as I can remember.
— Commiserate and complain with my dear friends about “the economy,” “big corporations,” and the housing market.
— Because big corporations are more powerful than I am, and “when they go low, I go high,” I put a lot of time into making my work A++ and beat myself up for turning out any B- work. Spend 5 hours to do something that really should take 3 hours. Buffer with perfectionistic working when “perfect” work doesn’t actually result in more money.
— Procrastinate on personal investing goals because I’m spending too much time whining in my mind about how the market is bad and all the opportunities are gone. Because I’m a victim too….just a little higher on the food chain. (Wow…that is incredibly cynical.)
Result: Financial underachievement (low six figures).
C: Personal finance.
T: There’s no such thing as “victim” and “perpetrator.” That cycle is illusory, and is of no concern to me. [???]
F: Relieved. Free. Liberated. Unobligated. Empowered.
A: [I am really having trouble visualizing who I would be without the thought/belief in the unintentional model above; it has driven pretty much all of my financial and professional decisions my entire life. I try to ask myself this question, and I can almost see smoke coming out of my ears. But I’m really curious.]
R: I earn seven figures and the supposed greater power/money of other people or entities is no threat to me, nor is the “misfortune” of others an obligation tugging at me. I no longer martyr myself to help those less fortunate; if I do something charitable, it does not overtax any of my resources. My talents go into creating value that I’m well compensated for…not “saving the world.” I feel like I’m building and creating things, not rescuing things or going down with the ship.
Am I getting anywhere with this? I feel like I am entering another reality by looking at my old entrenched worldview as the “Observer,” and am not sure if the new one I’m trying to get at with the new model is the real reality or not. It’s like the invisible bridge scene in Indiana Jones.
Thank you for your feedback…..