Money within a couple

Stop me if you plan to cover this in the later video trainings on money, or when we do relationships in May, but I am wondering what you think about money stuff within a couple. I have received from my parents the idea that things always had to be very fair and perfectly equal between my sister and me (in terms of money but also attention/affection), and it is something I have 100% brought to my relationship with my husband.

We’ve always divided expenses 50/50, with mostly comparable incomes, though he’s recently had a great career achievement and started making significantly more than me. We’ve always kept track of everything we pay for shared expenses, to even things out and make sure it’s fair; I feel it’s mostly me who has insisted on this throughout the years. It started when we first moved in together in our early twenties, but now, seventeen years and two kids later, it feels a little absurd. I also have an inkling that being so very “anal” (sorry, it’s an ugly term) about money and spending can’t be good for my money/abundance mindset.

I would love to free myself from this need to control the equality of our contributions, but I do not believe (at this stage) that it would just even out naturally. My belief is that if I stopped keeping track, it would work out to me paying more than him.

I hear you ask “so what?” so I’ll answer: then my savings would slowly dwindle just as his would grow. “So what?” Then I would have less financial freedom than I have worked for, and if, eventually, some day, he up and left me (one of my two top fears, as uncovered in the podcast work on fear), then I would really feel cheated, like a fool, and having really lost everything.

Heavy enough for you? 🙂 How do I begin to untangle this? Thanks so much for your insights!