C: Mom says that she feels depressed when she sees other peoples’ lives on social media
T: I wish she were happy
A: Think about how I should have done everything differently in order to fix her, think about how I don’t want to be like her, buffering activities
R: I make myself unhappy
This model feels clear to me. I’m not sure if I’ve fully processed the guilt, it continues to come up and then release. I’m allowing myself to stay with the feeling as long as it takes, and practicing accepting it as though I chose it (because I literally am choosing it).
I have other thoughts like: If I stop trying to fix her, the relationship will fall apart. Some part of me feels like our relationship thrives off her being unhappy and me trying to fix it.
I’d LIKE to feel unconditional love toward her. I know I’m not ready for this model yet, but should I try to ladder up to it? How do I know if I’ve fully processed the feeling? I don’t feel an urgency to “change” it, well….actually I kind of do. Do I stay with this emotion until I truly don’t feel like I need to change it? That feels a bit hard because I don’t feel the emotion all the time, it comes and goes.
Any insight appreciated.