I just wanted to share I had this massive epiphany around boundaries. I think of boundaries as things you say to someone. A set of rules you set to protect yourself and I am grateful I have never had my personal boundaries violated like so many women. But what I realized this weekend is that my mental ( verbal and emotional) boundaries were constantly violated. I grew up in a very controlling ( albeit loving but having to earn love) household. I was told what to think, what to feel, what to do , how to dress, what I was going to do with my life. I took this into my adulthood and have spent much of my life looking outwardly for what to think, what to feel, to earn love, to become accepted I needed to jump through others’ hoops and please them to prove I was enough.
If I perceive the people closest to me as being unhappy ( real or imagined) with me I will do anything to be a better person.
I suddenly can see how that emotional boundary doesnt exist in me. I already know I am co-dependent and I gues that is what I am describing but I never thought about it as having boundary violations that I allowed. Instead of believing I am enough, I am a good person, I believe everyone else. This stops now.
I have been a member here for almost a year but never really dug into the program until January. I have seen and begun to understand so much about myself I never had even realized ( and I thought I was well therapized) thank you so much for all the work and effort and sharing you all do in this program.