I have noticed several models I have around my mom:

1. If I changed the C, she’d be happy
2. I want her to be happy (I will be happy if she is happy)
3. If I have self-love I will lose the relationship with her
4. I am responsible for her feelings

I’ve done models on all of these things and I can see that they do not produce feelings or results I want. Yet, I really do believe these things. Intellectually I know that they aren’t true, but I am really believing them. I’m not judging myself too hard for believing them, they are programmed patterns of thought that my brain has offered for many years.

In fact, it’s hard for me to really find any other thoughts that I believe, for example:

C mother says she would be happy if I had kids
T If I changed the C, mom would be happy
F Pressure / urgency
A I second guess all my life choices, I feel regret, I think about moving back home, I’m disengaged with my current life and present moment, I don’t sleep well, I buffer by researching stuff on the internet, I get into major arguments with her
R I don’t actually change the C, but I just think about it. Maybe the result is that I don’t change my T and nobody is happy?

I see that “if I changed the C, mom would be happy” is a thought I keep thinking
“if I changed the C, mom would be happy” is a sentence in my brain
I feel pressure because I am believing the thought that “if I changed the C, mom would be happy”

I believe those thoughts. But I DON’T believe that:
“I am not responsible for her feelings”
“She doesn’t have to be happy and I can love her anyway”
“Mom’s emotions are her responsibility”
“Mom is on her own journey and this is part of it”

I really do believe that my circumstances cause her feelings. How can I believe something different when I just don’t?