Mother Daughter Relationships

I’ve spent over 30 years trying to make a relationship with my mother work. Basically, trying to change her. Asking, begging, seeking approval, doing everything I could to please her. Over the years, life has taught me that this is not the most important relationship in my life. It can’t be, because it creates heartache and pain. The pain comes from situations where my feelings are dismissed. I revert back to a child; I don’t show up to honor myself. I’ve hit a final wall to this drama. About 10 years ago I decided to move away from her thinking that would solve my unresolved feelings. But life has taught me that the problem persists what I resist. I want to learn in Scholars how to allow the uncomfortable emotions around her.  I want to think ahead of the situation to take actions to protect my peace and help me remain grounded around her. My tendency right now is to create distance from the dysfunctional behaviors.

C – mother daughter relationship
T – I want to change her
F – Control
A – I hurt myself more, I create more uncomfortable situations
R – I don’t change her or change me

C – Mother daughter relationship
T – what I resist in my mother it persists
F – pain
A – I don’t allow my emotions to process, I get stuck in rumination, I don’t take action but to complain
R – I get stuck in feeling the same emotions over and over

I have control over my life and it leads me to feeling empowered. I process my emotions that arise around my mother with allowance and acceptance and create better results for myself.

What are some ladder thoughts that can aid me in accepting more of my mother rather than trying to change her?
How do I create room in my life to allow the emotions that come up around my mother instead of resisting and trying to fight her?