Mother in law

Hi Brooke,

I would like your advice on the situation with my mother in law. I understand from my husband that she is autistic (to my knowledge never diagnosed). There has always been issues with her accepting me into the family. I always feel like she believes that I took away her son from her, rather than she gained a daughter in law. I have been with ‘her son’ 12 years, married 6 years and we have 2 children. Things got slightly better when we had our children. However she still says silly things and leaves me out of things/’forgets’ about me. We have come to see her for Christmas and travelled 4 hours to see her. Today we met some of her friends and she introduced us all by saying, this is my son, these are my grandchildren, and naturally left me out. The gentleman asked who I was and she said ‘oh yes, this is my son’s wife’.

So I am trying to put this work I am doing into practice. I felt a little hurt today. I think because ideally I want her to accept me into the family/include me. I understand we have no control over anyone else, and if this is what she wants then I have no control over it. How do I help myself not feel hurt by this? My automatic thoughts are ‘fine I won’t come and see her, which means, she won’t see my children or husband as much.’

I have tried to say things like ‘ she is allowed to be whoever she wants to be and say what ever she wants to say and that is okay’, I do not argue with the things i have no control. In an ideal world I would like to have a relationship with my mother in law, but if she does not want that then that is how it must be, I am not going to try and force it. The important thing is that she loves my children and husband and wants to be part of their lives.

Any more help and advice? / alternative thoughts i can try?

Many Thanks, and Merry Christmas Brooke xxx