mother in law

I don’t like my mother-in-law. Can this be a circumstance? I am cordial and try to make her visits nice. I host her here, make sure she is physically comfortable, try to make small talk, prepare foods

she likes, I always have gotten her Xmas, birthday gifts, flowers, etc (my husband never does that). But the bottom line is I don’t like her. I feel guilty about that and it also upsets my husband and

thus it makes me hate her more because it is a sore point in my marriage. I have tried to talk to her and connect but it doesn’t ever go anywhere. She is quiet, doesn’t like much conversation so I

don’t force it on her. I feel awkward around her like she is annoying for “just being”. Her voice is squeaky, she has no opinions, she enables her oldest son by lending him money, then wonders

why he doesn’t get a job, etc. I know it is her life, she can do what she wants. I am not trying to push a manual on her, I am just stating I don’t like her and I feel guilty about that. I wish I could let

it go. I feel it is disrespectful not to like her. It upsets my husband that I don’t like her and that causes us to have arguments. I don’t like how I give her power to upset me by allowing my brain to

ruminate in thoughts about how much I dread having to spend time with her. I have cut it back to once a year (my husband now visits without me) but I want to be someone who can manage my

mind enough that I can be with her this weekend (she is coming to visit) and not be wasting this whole lead up week ruminating about her and why she gets on my nerves and why I can’t just let it

go and suck it up for 2 days out of the whole year! Interestingly, I work with the elderly, love the elderly, and connect with them even when they are annoying as my patients but with my mother-

in-law, I cringe even thinking about having to hug her. Then I feel guilty and like a bad person. My husband can sense my anxiety rising in anticipation of her visit without me even saying anything

andthat also upset him. After 29 years of doing this behavior and mind drama, I am not sure it is possible to change. can you shed some light on the subject, please?

C: I hate being with my mother in law
T: she is annoying
F: guilty
A: hide, avoid, pretend to be loving and interested in her
R: beat myself up

C; I hate being with my mother in law
T: I shouldn’t feel this way
F: guilty
A: fight with my husband, people please her by acting like I like her
R: I dislike her even more intensely after her visit

C: I don’t like my mother in law
T: I disagree with how she acts as a mother (both in the past raising her boys and now)
F: disgusted
A: avoid her so I don’t say anything unkind, put up with a visit once or twice a year, ruminate on how she is an enabler and continues to treat her sons like toddlers, try to tell myself all her good points, beat myself up for not liking her, try to connect with her and then feel exhausted
R: Feel no connection or compassion for her

C: I hate my mother in law
T: She never did anything to me
F: Crazy
A: obsess trying to figure out why I can’t stand being near her without feeling like fingernails on chalkboard
R: waste days of my life ruminating on this issue