Mother in Law – Greatest Assignment


I am new to scholars and after watching a few videos on relationships – I realize that though I try to ignore my relationship with my mother in law, it may be my best assignment to evolve, learn the model, control my emotions, etc. I did a thought download that was full of negative thoughts:

Thought Download:
First thought is that the relationship is not working. Second thought is I have a lot of work to do on it. There is too much to unpack to even start to get coached on. I don’t even know how to start. She isn’t my mom (meaning she doesn’t live up to the standard my mom sets). Are my kids safe? Remember that one time she slept with my baby in the bed? She is a bad driver and runs out of gas with my child in the backseat. She doesn’t have the mental capacity to take care of both kids at the same time. I’m a mean person for not thinking that she has the mental capacity to do it. She raised my husband so she did a good job. I need help with childcare but she isn’t helpful. Having her here is a headache for everyone involved. I need her to be better.

Examples of unintentional models:
C: MIL relationship
T: This is not working
F: Dread
A: Do not look forward to her coming
R: Things do not go well

C: MIL relationship
T: I need to work on this relationship
F: Obligated
A: Sit in overwhelm
R: Relationship does not change

C: MIL relationship
T: There is too much to unpack here, I don’t know how to get coached on such a big topic
F: Overwhelmed
A: Get nothing done
R: Relationship unchanged

C: MIL relatinoship
T: She isn’t my mom
F: Resentment
A: Not warm or inviting
R: Relationship suffers

C: MIL slept in same bed as baby
T: My children are not safe with her
F: Fear
A: Don’t trust her to watch kids, don’t leave kids alone with her, she has no autonomy with my kids,
R: She doesn’t get the chance to show she can help with kids

C: Thoughts about my mother in law
T: I’m a terrible person for not accepting my mother in law, I need to be nicer
F: Bad/ guilty
A: Feel guilty, but still not accept my mother in law
R: Our relationship continues to worsen

I have no idea where to get started or how to get coached on something that feels so true and that I have so many negative thoughts on. I appreciate the time – I know this is long.