Mother-in-law models


We are considering having my mother in law here for a few days at Christmas. She finds fault with me, my husband, my children, how we’re raising our children, etc. My husband is used to this and kind of tunes it out and ignores it. I wish that he would stand up for me with her. I’m feeling tired and depleted after a hard couple of years and don’t want to put the energy into protecting myself from her. It’s my brother in law’s turn to have her and he has said no because his wife doesn’t want her to stay at her house. They will take her during the day for some of the time. i don’t want to say no because she is my husbands mother and my children’s grandmother

Unintentional models:

C: Mother in law will criticize
T: I can’t handle it.
F: Overwhelmed, scared, wanting to be rescued
A Negative about her coming, prickly, “shields up”
R Tired, don’t enjoy holiday, mad at her, husband, and bro and sis in law

c: MIL will criticize
t: If I’m rejected it means something awful will happen. She will convince husband to leave me. I’ll die alone. . . .
rest is same

New thoughts: I can handle it. She gets to behave how she wants to behave. I get to chose how I behave. I can leave the room/conversation when she criticizes. I can stand up for myself and my family. I have survived her rejection for 35 years – and I can do this. She’s part of the 50% who will reject/disapprove of me no matter what. She’s here to teach me how to handle myself when that happens. I will respect and love myself no matter what she or anyone else does. Husband doesn’t protect me bc he doesn’t see her criticism as powerful or valid – kind of a non issue to him. I can tell him I plan to stand up for myself and my family when she criticizes. Or I can ask her not to. or I can simply say “I will end a conversation that is critical.”

C :Mo in law criticizes
T I choose to behave with love, respect, dignity – no matter what
F Empowered rejuvenated energized
A Graceful boundaries with respect
R a positive holiday season

What am I missing? Other help?