Hi Brooke,

Please help me out with my mother-in-law’s habitual response to my decisions (I do realize it’s her thinking, not mine).

For example, she just learned that I took away snacking from my life (and it’s been one of the best decisions ever – I don’t overeat, I am at my natural weight, I don’t have the chatter in my brain, etc).

Her response (the same as when she learned that her son became a vegetarian, or when I gave up chocolate for a year, or whatever I am challenging myself with) was: “Now, why are you doing that to yourself? I just don’t understand… What happened to moderation?”

She sighs, and puts her head in her hand, and attempts to change my mind.

Help me understand how I should react or think about this situation…

Unintentional:
C: Mother-in-law says “I don’t understand why you have to limit yourself. What’s wrong with moderation?”
T: She is criticizing me for my decisions about how to do things.
F: Defensive
A: Tries to validate myself and fire back with defensive answers
R: Think less of her for criticizing me.

Intentional:
C: Mother-in-law says “I don’t understand why you have to limit yourself. What’s wrong with moderation?”
T: She is reflecting her own reaction to life’s challenges and limitations. It’s not about me.
F: Undeterred, self assured
A: Don’t respond with defensive answers.
R: Compassion for her

Clearly, her criticism is a trigger for me. It must make me feel something strongly, like I am doing something wrong.

The funny thing is, the more she thinks that my “challenges” are unnecessary, the more I want to prove to her that I can overcome them! 🙂

Thoughts?