Motivated by thoughts that produce negative emotion

I have a hard time allowing myself to get to loving, compassionate emotions, and especially to allow myself to get to loving emotions and then taking action from that place.

I’ve been a go-getter all my life, but much of my actions and drive came from negative emotion and thoughts. I criticize myself harshly, and I use that as motivation to do better. Or if I think that I did something wrong, I’ll ensure that I know that what I did was wrong, and not let myself off the hook with thoughts like “I can do better next time”, because when I use more calming, compassionate thoughts, the emotion of compassion that it brings through feels to me like I’m coddling myself. When I coddle myself, it leads to INaction instead of action. Because I think, if I’m content with where I am, why even try to do hard things?

Brooke says often that when you love yourself where you’re at, you’ll want to do hard things just to do it. I’m not finding that to be true with myself. If I’m totally content where I’m at, or at least try to convince myself that I’m content where I’m at, I remain complacent, because I’ll want to continue doing the easy thing. And then I’ll hit a point where I “snap” and see how far away I am from my goals, and then go back into my go-go-go mode.

Long story short, I self-motivate through fear and anxiety. I don’t like getting to a place of self-compassion because it feels like I’m going soft on myself. I did spend a good 6 months actively working on self-compassion, and in those 6 months I became a very inactive person, not moving towards my goals. I don’t know how to find the sweet middle ground, if there is one. What am I missing?