Hi, I ended a friendship / mentorship with someone I cared about and looked up to. I chose to complete the relationship because the relationship did not have the qualities I look for in friendships. Without getting into the specifics of what happened, it’s enough to say I was deeply hurt. I realize my thoughts about what happened are responsible for how I felt then, and how I occasionally feel now, but that realization is still evolving and has taken some time.
During that time, especially when it was fresh, I moved on. I liked my reasons then, I like them now. I like my thoughts, which are also evolving. But, Brooke says we should stay in the situation that we think is making us unhappy so we understand on a deep level that we *could choose to be happy in the situation we are eventually choosing to leave. I did not give myself the chance to do that. I completed the relationship after what I felt was a nonnegotiable breach of my values and I simply felt I didn’t deserve the treatment I was receiving. I had just began thought work when it all went down and was applying the model, but not as thoroughly as I am now. Since then, I’ve become more skilled at applying the model and seeing and really understanding on a deeper level that I cause my own feelings.
I don’t want to go back to the situation just so I can prove to myself I could have been happy there. Do I need to do so in order to feel like this completion of a friendship is 100% clean and there is no residual emotions or thoughts? I don’t want to bring “it” with me.
Long story short–I have created new friendships since then. The distance from my old friend / mentor feels right to me. But, I don’t want to carry residual emotion, or create new relationships almost in opposition of my old friendship with her. Simply put–I didn’t give myself the chance to have a good good-bye. I still like my reasons for leaving, but I missed the part of the experience where I stayed for the realization that I could have stayed indefinitely and been happy.
Suggestions to remedy this?