Moving the goalposts


One thing I’ve recently discovered is that I tend to sabotage my goals by “moving the goalposts” – as in I change the criteria as I’m going. An example is my plan to address my overdrinking. I decided my plan is to have 2 glasses of wine on Friday and 2 glasses of wine on Saturday. And allow urges the rest of the week. Yesterday (Wed) I was having a major urge to have a glass of wine. I allowed the urge pretty well I thought but I also decided that if I really wanted a glass of wine I could have one tomorrow (Thurs). Now I have two decisions in conflict with one another. And my brain is playing those two decisions against one another trying to convince me it’s ok to have wine tonight (Thurs). I think what I’m doing is confusing and contradicting myself so that I think it’s ok to not stick to the original goal. And this is destroying my self-trust – why does the first goal even matter if I’m going to change it anyway. It also creates so much internal dialogue and negotiations that I’ll get frustrated and fed up and end up giving in to having wine tonight. I think what I want to do is stick with my original goal – and stop making different decisions along the way. But how do I handle the negotiation phase of allowing urges? Just say – stop it, I’ve already made the decision and I’m not changing it?